What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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