Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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