K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
