My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
there was a trapeze. enough said
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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