hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My breasts were aching with rage.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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