Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
