so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
