don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
