Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
