careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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