I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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