I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
