Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize