Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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