Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
