i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
