god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
