would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
