Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
