it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
