Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize