Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Randomize
