Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
