I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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