so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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