i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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