oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
