dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
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I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
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We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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