Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
