My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize