Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
