Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize