is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
