the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Randomize
