i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Is Oprah even human
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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