watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
