omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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