I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
