i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
