The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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