I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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