in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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