its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How does one acquire holy water?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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