are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
