eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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