just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
