i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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