Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
