she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
