oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
