i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
