i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
