I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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