would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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