The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
