thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
