another moral hangover. fuck.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
