im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
