I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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