did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
