Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
