I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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