if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
