Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Thank you for not boning my boss.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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