You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
