i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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