We're like a lot better than the average bears
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
