Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
