I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
