Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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