There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
