apparently the secret to your success is patron
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
