I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The feeling are messing with the penis
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
