Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
