And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
